Someone e-mailed this quote to me:

"Nothing can make up for the absence of someone whom we love, and it would be wrong to try to find a substitute .... It is nonsense to say that God fills the gap; he does not fill it, but on the contrary, he keeps it empty and so helps us to keep alive our former communion with each other, even at the cost of pain."
-Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Thank you all for cards and texts and emails and calls and prayers and food and support. Last night was my first night back at work. My life is forever changed. Like my Aunt Hoolie the Hooligan said, "the world doesn't look the same after something like this." This doesn't have to be a bad thing. Before now I have seen poverty and suffering, I have seen people endure horrible physical and emotional pain and heartache; but none of that makes the world look as different as this does. It's not a deeper pain or sadness, just different, I think. Very surreal. I still have my shock/sadness/sentimental glasses on, I know. I can't wait for this intense stage to fade, but I hope that the good that is in what I am experiencing now, the good in the way that I am seeing things, the world, life, people; appreciation I guess you could say, is with me always.